Oh, web dwellers. Your time has come. About a week ago, requests for a post from Northman reached an all-time high. You made yourselves heard, loud and clear: “Let the man speak.” I told Northman what you’d asked, and, I’m rather excited to report, Northman agreed to do it. We talked about it for a while, and he asked me, “What should I write about?” I said, “You’re effin’ Northman. You can write whatever the heck you want!” which cracked him up because, believe it or not, he does read the Facebook page, so he’d seen the rounds of, “Effin’ Northman!!” posts lately and been pretty amused by them. He replied, “You’re right! I AM effin’ Northman!” which had us both in hysterics because, hard as it may be to imagine, while I do refer to him here as “Northman,” it started out, as you may recall, as a blog nickname. It’s not really something I call him in conversation on a regular basis. So, the moniker is growing on him. He likes it, and he thinks y’all are fucking fantastic, and so do I.
So Northman took a few days to think about what to write for you, and we spoke about it a few times. He bounced some ideas off of me, sending me text to review and taking my feedback under consideration. It was a lot of fun collaborating on a project, and I woke up this morning to his final draft waiting in my inbox. It’ll go live this evening. Why the delay? Because this is not something you want to read at work. Or when your kids are around. Or on your mobile device at the damn grocery store. No, this one needs your full attention. So, tonight, pour yourself a glass of whatevermakesyouhappy, and sit down to enjoy this one. Better yet, read it with your partner. You’ll be glad you did.
In other news, after we finished reviewing his latest blog draft last night, Northman and I had a chance to hang out. We’ve both been uncommonly busy lately, so we hadn’t had a chance to Skype for nearly a week. I was not entirely, nor unpleasantly, surprised to find that I missed him tremendously, a fact that hit me even harder when I saw his broad grin flash across my screen. I’ve gotten quite accustomed to seeing Northman every day or two, and to talking on the phone or texting a bit each day as well. Perhaps I’ve gotten a little spoiled, even, because a week really isn’t that long, and we did have at least some text contact every day. But not seeing him, not having some time that was just us, it made me feel quite vulnerable and a bit insecure, two feelings I have very little experience with.
I had to stop and think about it for a minute before articulating this strange sensation to him. I’d missed him, and I was more than a little pleased to hear him say he’d missed me as well, but I still felt oddly inhibited about sharing these other feelings. It took me a minute. And then I explained, as much to myself as to him, that the vulnerability and insecurity I’d been feeling stemmed from the fact that I actually give a shit about seeing him. I care about him, and he’s tremendously important to me, so not seeing him for a week made me feel lonely and disconnected from him. It made me wonder how he was feeling about me, even though he hadn’t said or done anything to indicate that his feelings about me had changed. I realized, as I spoke the words, that it had been a very long time since I’d really cared what anyone thought or felt about me, since it had truly mattered to me, deep down, whether I mattered to someone the way Northman matters to me. I couldn’t sum it up any better than this, so I simply told him, “I adore you,” and, to my soul’s delight, he said it back.
Tune in tonight, web dwellers. You don’t want to miss this next one…