A Little Rambling And A Lot of Sexy

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Ooooh, web dwellers, have I got some stuff to tell you today. If there were a contest to find the luckiest girl on the damn planet today, if you’re not me, don’t even bother entering, because I fucking win, people. I win. And you know why? Because Northman sent me a two-part, 15-minute video in which he’s wearing nothing but a watch and some seriously gorgeous ink.

Those of you who don’t like me taking the Lord’s name in vain, gals, if you saw this shit, you’d know I’m not using it in vain. That’s PRAISE right there. If I were a religious woman, I’d be down on my damn knees giving thanks for this. But as it is, I am not, and since Northman’s not here for pretty much the only other reason I’d be down on my knees, I think saying “ohmyfuckinggod” is just going to have to suffice.

Oh, Sweet Jesus in Birks, I am so damn grateful it doesn’t snow by him so it’s warm enough for him to do this. Yes, Northman made me another sex video, and all I can say is that the fact that I didn’t instantaneously burst into flames watching it completely disproves the existence of spontaneous combustion. Seriously. I texted him immediately after watching it (fine, immediately after watching it twice), and all I could manage was this: “ohmyfuckinggod” Yeah. I’m articulate like that. Without exaggeration, I think seeing Northman do ANY of what he did in this video if I were with him in person would reduce me to complete Tarzan Speak.

For those of you feeling bad for Northman that he’s doing all the “work” and I’m getting all the rewards, rest assured, I am reciprocating. First, my responses to his videos get him going. A lot. And second, I’ve been doing some sexy writing for our friend Mr. Northman. And he likes it. Probably not as much as he’d like it if I would send him a strip tease video, but I’m just not there yet, web dwellers. I want to be there. I wish I could be as bold as I tell myself I am and just do it. But the truth is, I’m so critical of my body no matter how much or little I weigh or work out, that I just do not know what it will take for me to truly reciprocate. So I “give back” in the best way I comfortably can: I write erotic stories for him. And I show him my tits a lot.

Watching Northman’s video performance was mind-blowing. I can’t think of any other man in my life who has ever been able to evoke a physical response that intense without even touching me. There is something I find so inherently erotic about this man, my mouth literally waters at the sight of just his bare chest. I won’t even go into what kind of bodily reactions I have to the sight of his bare — yeah, I’m biting my damn lip just typing about it.

Here’s the kicker, though. Northman and I had a few sexy Skype conversations this week, plus the video. Oh, yeah. The video. Mmmmmm…. Where was I? Oh, right. Skype. Anyway. Focus. Skype. Yes. Ok. We Skyped quite a bit, and I have to tell y’all, the honest truth is, while we did have some really fantastic sexiness via Skype, the best interactions I had with Northman this week had nothing to do with sex. Actually, that’s a damn lie. Every interaction with Northman has something to do with sex because I can’t look at him without wanting to reach through the screen and touch him. But you know what I mean. The best interactions were just conversations. We talked so much this week: Hours and hours of just talking about our minions, our work, our plans, our friends, our families. You know… I kind of feel like we’re actually starting to date. Sort of. In this weird, online, not really dating kind of way, true, but still, we’re sort of kind of dating. I think. And I like it.

We talk, each in our own beds, and it feels like this. Intimate. Close. Peaceful.

Northman listens to me. He asks insightful questions. He respects me as a parent, a friend, a woman, a professional, and an equal. He shares with me, and I enjoy listening to him. I like knowing what’s going on in his life and knowing how he takes his coffee. I like that he knows a lot more about some topics than I do and that he can teach me without being condescending; rather, he genuinely enjoys explaining things and takes his time in doing so. He doesn’t rush to answer when I ask him a question, but takes his time and gives the topic consideration when need be, and I like that. Plus, it gives me time to stare at his neck, which I also really like. Yum.

Northman makes me feel this sexy.

Here’s something else I really like, and go ahead and slam me via email or comments or what have you for being unevolved or unliberated or whatever other feminazi name you may want to call me. Northman is a man. He gets it that a man can respect a woman as an equal, enjoy being with a woman who knows more or is smarter or more educated, have a balanced romantic relationship with a woman, and have a completely equal partnership, all while still asserting himself as a man. So many men today seem to think that women are hypocrites if we demand equality in the workplace and in relationships but still appreciate a man who gives up his jacket or umbrella or who opens doors or dashes through the rain to bring a woman’s car around. Men who still do those things just turn me on.

American Gothic, True Blood style. That's old school, new sexy style.

I completely and openly admit that I adore a man who gives me his arm when we’re walking or offers his hand when I’m stepping off a curb. I appreciate a man who treats me like the lady I am and acts like the man in the relationship and not like a child I have to look after. I find men who value both femininity and self-sufficiency in women to be incredibly attractive. I like a man who wants to lift the heavy things, kill the bugs, and fix the clogged drains, even though we both know I’m absolutely capable of doing it all myself. I enjoy those little social niceties, those old-school gender roles. I realize they’re not for everyone, but I do personally like them.

I love that Northman is good with his hands without presuming that a woman can’t be. That’s just awesome. I love seeing him as someone who could protect me, regardless of whether I need protecting or whether I can look out for myself. Call it social programming and gender stereotyping if you want, but the truth is, I just find a capable, strong man really damn sexy. Being with a man like that makes me feel feminine and safe and adored. Maybe that’s just too old-school for some women, but it’s the truth.

The flip side is that Northman, while he is all of these things, appreciates a woman who doesn’t need any of it, regardless of whether she wants it. And I think that’s a lot of why this dynamic works between us (At least in theory. At least online.). Because neither of us needs the other. We just want one another. And I think for both of us, that want, that desire, is so much more attractive than being needed. I mean, good Lord, we’re both parents. We’re already needed 24/7. It’s really nice to just be wanted sometimes. Don’t you think?

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