An Interview With The One And Only, Mr. Northman


So last week, Northman made me blush. Perhaps it seems like a little thing considering all the reasons I might have to blush when I’m (virtually) around him, but I’m just not a blushing kind of gal. Nothing really embarrasses me; y’all already know I’m an open book, and that means blushing is a rare thing in my world. But, as usual, there’s one glaring exception to the rule, and it’s Northman. That man makes me blush regularly, and he’s particularly pleased with himself about it. Not one to be outdone, I vowed that I could return the favor, and Northman, exceedingly smug and frustrating man that he is, had the nerve to doubt me. He even bet me I couldn’t make him blush, promising to make me a hot new video with lots of highly detailed and personal dialog if I won.

Bring it, Northman.

Game on, Northman. Game. Fucking. On.

I was pretty motivated just by his smug grin, I have to tell you. And the idea of him making a sex video, just for me, with whatever kind of dirty talking and whatnot that I wanted? Damn, web dwellers. That’s some serious motivation right there. I’m not saying I thought it would be all that easy to make Mr. Self-Satisfied blush, but I am a woman who loves a challenge. When I set my mind to something, there’s very little dissuading me.

Took less than a day.

I wrote a new blog article the day after Valentine’s Day, telling y’all about the screen-melting Skype sex I had with Northman the night before, and I opened up a bit about him. I told you how I feel about him, what I adore about this man with whom, in many, many ways, I often feel I’ve met my match, even though I always win when we compete at, you know, pretty damn near anything.

Well, Northman read that article and he blushed. Twice. Gotta hand it to him for honesty. He fessed up and actually rather enjoyed himself telling me so. And he was excited that I’d opened the floor to you, readers, asking for your questions and comments. As usual, you came through in fine form, web dwellers. Thanks. So, last night, I sat down, reporter-style (post-Skype-sex naked, sure, but still reporter-style) and interviewed, for your reading pleasure, the one and only, Mr. Northman.

Me: Alright. Before we start with the formal questions, the floor is yours. Is there anything you’d like to say to my devoted tens of readers?

Northman: (Laughs his sexy, throaty laugh. Yum.) My devoted tens! I love it! Lemme think about it for a second here. Yeah. I hope you all get laid soon. We’d probably be a lot less … fucked up in this world if more people got laid. Laid people are generally happier people. Especially if they’re well laid. It’s not a cure-all for everything, but it’s a damn good fucking start.

Me: Good point. Ok, first reader question: “Do you feel you’re accurately portrayed on the blog?”

Northman: (Clears throat for a second and – yes!! – blushes a little before laughing.) Yes, given that the names and occasional details have been changed to protect the guilty (more laughing). I see it as accurate as far as the way you perceive me. Whether or not I always feel that way about myself? Is… not so clear (laughs). Which is sort of a guarded answer, but I’m … {I was really enjoying watching him squirm a little, talking about himself, y’all. This was fun. And for those of you who don’t know him – so, all of you – what he was getting at is that he typically doesn’t see himself as nearly as sexy as I see him, which, of course, is part of what I find so damn attractive about him. That, and his ass is so damn fine I’d use it as china.}

Me: What are you thinking about?

Northman: [That last blog, the one that was] …designed to make me blush, and yes, it worked.

At this point, he grinned at me. I grinned back. We grinned at each other like a couple of idiots for a sex, sex, shit. SEC. Seriously, Freud is up in my typing today. I really had to type “sec” three times to stop typing “sex” on accident.

Me: Ok, next reader question: “What attracts you to her?” I mean me. It says her. So, me. What attracts you to me? This is weird.

Northman: (Giving me this fucking look and enjoying the ensuing blush that comes across my face. And my breasts.) We’ve known each other a long time. We’ve had sexual tension for 20-plus years. With no lessening in it either. It only gets more. Even after all the Skype sex, it doesn’t change that aspect of it at all. I still feel like I haven’t had sex with you because I haven’t. We can have all the Skype sex we want, it’s still not the same, surreal thing. Um. So there’s that factor. The physical aspect of it [and wanting to physically have you] but I don’t know…. Just, I mean. I think the several times that we were actually, physically intimate were so fucking intense when we were young, when we were teenagers, it was so fucking intense, and that feeling never really left me.

Me: Nor me. (Yeah, more blushing.)

Northman: You’re insanely funny, and a woman who makes me laugh is really fucking important (Laughs. I love that laugh.). You’re really smart. I’m attracted to smart women. You have a good sense of humor. That sort of goes back to the whole “woman making me laugh” thing. You have some absolutely smoldering looks. You’re capable of delivering molten lava, and that’s not in person, that’s via Skype, and that’s pretty impressive.

Me: That’s not where I thought you were going with that.

Northman: What do you mean?

I always fucking win. I am Trogdor! Burninating the countryside!

Me: You said, “You’re capable of delivering…” and I thought you were going to go into your fear of my “tongue lashings” as you call them.

Northman: Well, thankfully, I’ve only been on the receiving end of those twice.

Me: And you deserved it both times.

Northman: Yes, I did. But it doesn’t go with what attracts me to you, so that’s not what I was thinking. Although it’s true, your way with words is exceptional, even when you’re mad, but that goes along with your intelligence and how fucking funny you are. What else …? It’s very attractive that you regularly kick my ass at Words With Friends and Scramble With Friends and just about any other game we play.

So there you have it, web dwellers. You asked, and he answered. And, man of his word that he is, Northman sent me a 2-gigabyte, 12-minute sexy awesome naked unbelievable video, custom made just for me. How can I explain this awesomeness? Well, he used a fucking tripod, people. A tripod. I was quite literally speechless watching it, which I think says more than any words could. This video is the single sexiest thing I’ve ever seen in my life. Or it was, until I saw Northman, in all his naked splendor, via Skype, watching my face while I watched his video on my laptop. When I finished watching the video, Northman asked me what I thought. I couldn’t speak for a minute, and when I could, I looked at him and just said one thing:

“God bless the Internet.”




2 responses »

    • Thanks for commenting, Deb! To be honest, I don’t remember actually meeting Northman the first time. We were 12 or 13 at the time, and we became good friends rather quickly. He’s one of those people I feel like I’ve just always known. It’s hard to think of a time when I didn’t know him. I’ll talk to Northman about it and see what he remembers. Good question!! Keep an eye on the next few blogs. I’ll do my best to fill in the details!

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