The Versatile Blogger: Apparently this is a thing.

Ok, so my blog has been up for a grand total of what, like, 18 hours? And already this awesome blogger named Erica has granted me the “Versatile Blogger Award.” This is a totally unofficial award from what I can tell, and it works a bit like one of those chain-mail Facebook status games, but it’s still fucking awesome to be nominated, and I’d like to thank my third grade teacher for letting me write in cursive and pen because she already saw that I was a kickass writer even when I was still writing stories about turkeys with magic powers. I really wish I still had that paper.

Yeah, I rock, people. World Record for fastest nomination for a non-existent award right here.

So here’s the deal with the Versatile Blogger Award. Apparently I’m supposed to do a few things. I don’t know if I’ll have bad luck for seven years if I don’t, but I am not one to fuck with Karma, so I’m just going to go with this thing.

List Seven Random Facts About Yourself:

1. I miss prenatal vitamins because they made my nails so freaking awesome that this woman at the salon wouldn’t believe me when I said they weren’t acrylics.
2. I think people who don’t teach their kids basic manners are butt munches.
3. I still love reruns of Saved By The Bell, and I am super pissed that ER and Dr. Quinn: Medicine Woman are not on TNT every day anymore.
4. I think pot should be legal, taxed, and regulated, and we should just outlaw having dumbasses in government. That should just about fix everything. You’re welcome.
5. I’m a heterosexual woman, and I really think it’s bullshit that gay people can’t get married.
6. I think damn near everything is funnier with curse words. Fucking, EVERYTHING.
7. I consider caffeine to be a vitamin supplement I should be able to write off as a medical expense on my taxes.

Next, I’m supposed to nominate 15 bloggers for this non-award and let them know I did so. Well, shit. I’ve been here less than a day, so I’m going to have to work on this one over time. So for now, here are some blogs and some favorite web shit I dig. But I probably won’t let all these people know I nominated them because this is taking enough time as it is.

1. Erica, because she nominated me, and I’m all for nepotism.
2. The Bloggess, because any woman who isn’t reading that shit is a moron.
3. Whoever came up with this crap: Honey Badger For President!!
4. Those people at Pinterest. That’s like visual blogging for nerds. I fucking love it.
5. Sexis: Also a website, lots of bloggers, and also includes The Bloggess, but it’s all about sex, so I dig it.
6. People of Walmart: I don’t actually like the people at Walmart, and the site is pretty fucked up if you think about it, but it’s like watching a car accident. I just can’t quite look away.
7. Sh*t My Kids Ruined: Because it makes me feel like a better parent knowing I’m not the only one whose kids have mess-creating super powers.
8. Shit My Dad Says: Because I seriously think I’m related to these people.
9. HBO GO: This is not a blog. It’s a website. But it should be nominated for every fucking award ever because it allows me to watch Eric Northman have sex on my iPad.
10. Confessions of a Sexy Mom: Because I’m fucking awesome, people. Also because I can’t think of anything else to put here.

Alright, I’m also supposed to thank the blogger who nominated me: Thanks, Erica! I don’t know you, but if you nominated me, I think you kick ass.

Ok, people. That’s four blog posts in less than a day. Don’t get used to it. I do have a life. Sort of. Now do me a favor and share my blog with everyone you ever met in your whole life so I can inflate my sense of self-importance by seeing my site traffic jump. Thanks, web dwellers.